Awful
by Grantairplane
Summary: Antonio had done something terrible, he'd let someone who trust him down. He had talked when he was supposed to be silent. Oneshot that I wrote for a school assignment and got topscore. Originally in Norwegian. tw: homophobic language


A sob could be heard from the art-room. That is, if anyone was even remotely close to that room at that particular moment. Luckily for Lovino Vargas, most students were in class right now, and the art-room was only in use Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays. As the bell rang, Lovino got out a pack of chewing gum and put a bunch of them in his mouth. He bit down harshly, to stop the sobs and moans from escaping his lips. This Friday was with no doubt the worst of his life.

The word echoed in his mind and left him unable to concentrate on the numbers in his book. It wasn't even directed on him, and yet it hurt so much. He glanced up from the book and cleared his throat. Alfred turned around and grinned at him, he pretended to yawn and discretely pointed to the boy next to him.

The bastard had stolen his neighbor's answers. Antonio chewed on the tip of his pencil and tried to see how the others were doing.

Gilbert seemed extremely frustrated, Antonio thought. The German tapped impatiently on the desk with his fingers, while staring intensively on the clock.

Francis on the other hand, was either a very good actor, or he wasn't having problems. Antonio hoped for the latter, and decided to ask Francis for help later on.

As he was completely at loss of what he was supposed to do, Antonio saw no point in even trying. Hell, the eraser on the desk next to his (taken by a Japanese dude) was more interesting than the words and numbers in his book. To make matters worse, some idiot had decided to add the alphabet into math. _Oh, putting letters in math is such a greaatttt idea, we should totally do that! …fuck you. _

Antonio got up the second the clock rang and was making his way out of the classroom when the teacher, Ms. Jonathan, stopped him. "Antonio Fernandez?"

"Uhm, yeah?"

She sighed and handed him some paper stapled to some other paper. Waste of staples. He took it and looked it.

Great. Fucking great. He had failed a math test, now he was in deep shit. "Oh… I guess I'll have to study more" he said cheerfully and stuffed it in his converse school bag.

It had started snowing outside, which instantly brightened his mood, and he exclaimed "Snow!"

Gilbert, on the other hand, just shook his head. "Why're you excited? It's just frozen water or something" He sighed.

"But you can go skiing and stuff!" Antonio argued, but he did not convince his friend, who kept on kicking the snow.

The German wasn't thrilled at all, whether it was because he didn't like snow, he didn't care or because he had seen a lot of snow in his life, Antonio didn't know.

The building closest to the one they just left, was the building that housed arts, P.E and the cafeteria. Coincidentally, that was the one they were heading to.

Antonio's hair was full of white, and Gilberts looked the exact same, because it was almost white naturally. They entered the cafeteria, got their food, paid for it (well, Antonio did. Gilbert just ran off yelling: "bye, bitches")

The Spaniard, who was now on his own, left the cafeteria with the tray in his hands, and made his way towards the gym, where he and his friends usually ate, finding it more peaceful than the cafeteria.

Francis was sitting on a pillow Antonio was pretty sure was stolen from the library, with Alfred to his right. On the floor in front of them, Gilbert was lying, eating the baguette with ham and cheese, yep, it was the one he bought/stole.

Alfred had, for unknown reasons, purchased one of the hamburgers the cafeteria sold every Friday and Monday. Usually, he'd eat a sandwich, but everyone knew he was totally burger obsessed. Antonio wouldn't consider the cafeteria-burgers food; he didn't even know what kind of meat it was. Not to mention, they were drowned in some greasy sauce thing.

"Tonio" Francis greeted him with a small nod, before going back to his conversation with Alfred. The Frenchman had a bowl of some French food stuff his mother made. Antonio was pretty sure Francis' mother worked in a restaurant

"Hey Tonio! What'd the cafeteria man-lady react?" He asked, referring to the cafeteria-woman. After an incident where she'd spilled mashed potatoes on Gil's shirt, he'd made it his goal to irritate her as much as possible.

"Antonio!" Mathias yelled as he entered the gym. "I need your help!"

"Ah, sure, what'cha need?"

"I'm failing Spanish and I totally need you to teach me!"

Antonio blinked and took a bite of his sandwich. "I was born here, I've told you a thousand times. I don't speak Spanish"

"Right… I'll ask Luke then"

"But he's taking German" Alfred pointed out. "He's really good at it, I sit next to him"

Mathias sighed. "Yeah, I should've taken German"

"Just to have someone to copy from?" Francis asked.

"Nooo" Mathias protested, but Francis just rolled his eyes and went back to his food.

Lukas – Luke – was Mathias' neighbor and childhood friend, according to Mathias, at least. Lukas did not seem to agree with it, but Mathias didn't really mind. Thinking about Lukas, Antonio's brain decided to redirect him to his own neighbor. Lovino.

Not a pleasant thought.

He felt as if the sandwich was filled with stones instead of egg, his stomach felt heavy and it was an extremely uncomfortable feeling. He felt sick, as if he was about to throw up. There was a black hole inside of him, one that sucked in every good feeling, but left the awful thoughts behind.

He, Antonio Fernandez Carriedo - the good catholic, the happy boy, the respectful and kind Spaniard – had done something terrible. It ached and burnt in his brain and his soul. He had done something terrible, something he could never take back.

He fought the tears and forced a smile. Antonio Fernandez Carriedo did not cry, he did not frown or scowl. He could only smile, always smile. He couldn't let anything seem different.

But that didn't change the fact that everything was different.

"Fag is a horrible word" He said, as if he just randomly thought of it. "You should never use it" The cheerful tone never left his voice.

The first class to get out on Fridays was 9A; the second was 9C – Antonio's class.

Antonio knew Lovino was in 9A, and as soon as the bell rang; he ran out, completely ignoring the fact that Francis was probably waiting for him. Francis and Antonio was in the same class as Alfred and Gilbert (Mathias was in 9B). Alfred and Gilbert had to take the bus, while Francis lived close to him; a few streets away from the school.

A few moments of running, stopping, then cursing the fact that he completely ignored everything called exercise, and more running; he finally arrived at the Vargas-house.

It wasn't until he lifted his hand to ring the doorbell that he started to doubt whether or not this was a good idea. He turned to leave, but decided that this was important. It would plague him for the rest of the nights, and every other night, until he did something.

It suddenly felt as if he was going to cry. He felt awful, every fiber of his body regretted everything, and hoped for Lovino to forgive him. He though he probably wouldn't. Lovino had trusted him with his biggest secret, and Antonio had let him down. He had told, and shattered the safe life he had lived. Antonio saw his face when those boys screamed that cursed word in his face. Broken and torn happiness was in his eyes, along with pain and confusion. Then it had dawned upon him, and he'd looked at Antonio with the most heartbreaking expression Antonio could ever imagine.

He lifted his arm again, and rang the bell.

_I shouldn't have done this, I shouldn't have told. It wasn't my decision. I'm sorry. I understand if you never forgive me, I deserve it. You should've found someone who was a better friend than me to tell. I shouldn't have told anyone that you're gay. _


End file.
